What it's Like Living With an Aggressive Dog

Living with an aggressive dog is a challenging experience that can lead to lasting trauma. Here are stories from experts and pet owners that illustrate those challenges.

Dogs enhance and enrich our lives, give us their whole hearts, and make our homes happier. We all love heartwarming stories of dogs doing heroic, sweet, and silly things. 

Unfortunately, there are also a lot of other dog stories that aren’t so light and happy. Living with an aggressive dog is an emotional and challenging experience that can be painful to talk about and can leave lasting scars. 

All of the instructors at SuperPup Academy have known and loved aggressive dogs. Some of these dogs required extraordinary management. Some of them pushed us to earn certifications and go to incredible lengths to try to help them feel comfortable in the world. 

Some of these dogs lived long and happy lives, carefully managed. Others’ stories ended in behavioral euthanasia for everyone’s safety. All of them have helped fuel our determination to help people and their dogs to live good lives. 

It can be hard to understand the effect that owning an aggressive dog can have on someone’s life and mental health if you haven’t experienced it firsthand. We’ve brought together stories from both experts and pet owners to showcase the range of emotions and challenges that can come up when living with an aggressive dog. 

We hope that sharing these stories and quotes will help build an understanding of the reality of life with an aggressive dog while working to dismantle the stigma and guilt surrounding people who have worked so hard to fight for their dogs.  

Real Life with an Aggressive Dog  

“When I first realized Shayna was not the social dog I had always dreamed of having, I was prepared to do whatever was necessary to help her. What I did not realize was how insanely isolating, draining, and emotionally damaging that would be for me.

I couldn't just have people over without it being a whole song and dance with safety measures always in place. I couldn't go anywhere after work because I couldn't have a dog walker, so I had to go straight home to take care of her. I couldn't go on vacations. Or day trips. Because I couldn't have a dog sitter.

I couldn't just, take my dog with me... anywhere. She hated busy public spaces, and to take her on a walk required remembering a collection of management tools - head halter, muzzle, spray shield just in case, treats, etc. I had to be on high alert at all times to catch "triggers" before she did.

I didn't have a life. I was constantly on alert, managing her and her environment so that I could keep everyone safe, but even that failed once or twice. And those times it failed stuck with me - it took several years to recover from the trauma.

Her quality of life also suffered. What dog wants to be mostly stuck at home all day? Whose only time outside is spent constantly scanning the environment, on edge, stressed. None of it was what I imagined having a dog would be. It was traumatizing. It's not living. For anyone. Human or dog.”

— Ezri Silverberg KPA-CTP, CBCC-KA, SuperPup Academy 

“Life with a dog that exhibits contextually inappropriate aggressive behavior is isolating, anxiety-provoking, and costly. The costs are financial, certainly--between training and veterinary behavior care--but the emotional costs add up quickly as well. 

Appropriate care for these dogs is not something that everyone is cut out to provide, and it is never what a pet owner signs up for when they sign the adoption papers at the shelter or pick up their new puppy at the breeder. Because of the immense toll these behavioral concerns amount to, I wish there was more information available on avoiding this outcome. Being able to recognize red flags in rescue group descriptions or select a truly ethical breeder are closely guarded skills that it seems only those "in the know" have access to. 

My first agility dog had severe aggression problems. He displayed these behaviors in early puppyhood. I knew a lot about finding a nice puppy from a good breeder, but due to layers of gatekeeping, I turned to the newspaper to get my dog. He was easy to find and buy, and so he became mine in one afternoon. From my rushed purchase to the misguided advice I received from professionals, my story is an all-too-common one. 

It needs to be easier to find a nice dog and much easier to get good advice if you find yourself struggling.”

— Sarah Stremming CDBC, The Cognitive Canine

“I did not let people come over, I pretty much strongly isolated, I didn't get another dog for eight years (I had two that I could manage safely but would not add another to it for that long). I felt trapped, like a failure. Repeatedly thought it was my fault, that I didn't try hard enough, that I wasn't strong enough.

I don't touch dogs with aggression issues now. I tend to avoid them like the plague. If I hear of any sort of fear aggression in the parents' lineages, I move on. I also will never put myself through that again - the stress of it, the worry about containment failures, etc.”

— Grace V.

“Sharing your life with an aggressive dog can be an emotional and challenging experience. There are many reasons for aggressive behavior, which often require compassion, patience, and lifestyle changes from us. It is only with this understanding that these dogs can heal and thrive in the world we create for them.”

— Michael Shikashio CDBC, AggressiveDog.com

“It’s a commitment. Not only do you need to commit the time it takes to work on your dog's fear issues, but an aggressive dog takes significant mental and emotional labor, too. Having an aggressive dog exacerbated my own hypervigilance because I needed to be constantly on the alert when walking my dog for triggers that would set her off. I needed to identify them before she did to try to head them off before she could react. 

Situations that would not stress an average dog will stress an aggressive dog, so there's simply more time in your life devoted to dog management. At the time when I had an aggressive dog, I was also doing intense community work during the pandemic, and ultimately I had to choose: was I going to spend my life serving my community or working with my dog? I had to choose my community. I recognized that I simply did not have the bandwidth to do both.”

— Anoosh J.

“Life with an aggressive dog can be full of special challenges that rarely, if ever, arise with dogs that don’t struggle with aggression issues. 

For some people, having a dog with aggressive behaviors is much like living with a normal dog for the majority of the time. Unless the aggressive behavior is triggered, many people forget their dog has an issue. Pet owners may go days, weeks, or even months without seeing the aggressive behavior. 

In these instances, it is manageable to live with a dog struggling with aggressive behavior issues. For less fortunate owners, the aggressive behavior may occur multiple times a month, a week, or in the worst cases, every single day. Aggression can be made up of a genetic component, the environment in which it occurs, and the dog’s past experiences with others in their environment.”

— Chelsea McKamey, Dip.CBST, Envy My Dog

“I always had visions of multiple dogs, but she is dog-aggressive – we’ve had two bite incidents. It’s always around a resource of some kind – space, food, toys – it’s sad because she plays great until something is at stake, and it’s really hard to control that. 

I’ve adjusted my expectations and understand that she’s an “only child.” I did some intense “between the ears” training with her to support her in teaching herself to self-soothe in moments of escalation. I’ve become a much better dog owner as a result.

I feel sad that she can’t play with other dogs at this point. We’re working on muzzle training and I hope one day she can romp around again – I feel like I’m depriving her of a big part of life. There’s definitely been shame, too, a bit of embarrassment.”

— Alexx S. 

“People need to stop romanticizing aggression. Having an aggressive dog is not romantic.  Having an aggressive dog is like choosing a bad boyfriend. 

It [taking on an aggressive dog] should only be done by people who are comfortable with constantly being vigilant because owning an aggressive dog, or a dog that experiences reactivity, you can't let things slide. You have to be on your toes. You have to be willing to have the management in place. You're always going to need to be diligent, vigilant about the dog. This is not the dog that's going to relax on you.”

— Jiovany ‘Jio’ Alcaide, CPDT-KA, IAABC-ADT and Taylor Barconey, CPDT-KA, IAABC-ADT, Smart Bitch Modern Dog Training

“My aggressive dog was one of four puppies who was transferred from Alabama with their mother at 4 weeks old to the humane society I work at. At six weeks, little Oscar started showing some bizarre behavior. He would growl and snap just a little if you tried to put him in the room where he and his siblings spent a lot of time. A tiny bit of resource guarding here and there. 

Then it got worse. After a month, he was starting to growl and snap at any kind of reaching, even if it wasn’t directed at him. I started noticing escalations in his guarding and intensity at being interrupted. Enough that we could barely touch him without him lunging and snapping (and not in a friendly puppy way.) 

I knew I was out of my depth, so I worked with a veterinary behaviorist. She agreed with my assessment- that this was not normal puppy behavior, this was something weird, scary, rare, and abnormal. She got him on a cocktail of medication and we hoped for the best. 

It only got worse. He was biting and shaking when I went to pick a pen up off the floor, when I went to pet a cat, when I went to plug something into the wall. He started hurting my cats and my other dog even though we kept them separated. He would escape and charge at them, pinning them down, biting their necks, and shaking them. Thank god he was a small puppy.

I couldn’t have people over. My cats slunk around the house like they were walking on glass. My body learned things it took months to unlearn. Things like flinching when I dropped something. A sinking feeling when I had to wake him up for some reason. A quick reflex for lunging. Dread and tension followed me.

When I went looking for my next dog a few years later, despite having a heart for rescue and working at a shelter, I heavily researched a reputable breeder. I chose a breed that had low instances of aggression. 

I did find my new dog and she is helping me unlearn my patterns. I knew when I had to wake her up and she licked my face and wiggled like a windsock that everything was going to be okay.”

— Nikki Darga CPDT-KA, Sweet Spot Dog Training

Setting Yourself Up for Success when Choosing a New Family Member

If you’re getting ready to add a dog to your family, be sure to make your choice carefully and understand the reality of living with an aggressive or fearful dog. We highly recommend prioritizing a stable temperament as temperament is genetic and will have a strong influence on a dog’s tendency toward aggression. 

Most people don’t get dogs knowing that they are aggressive–that’s not what the majority of pet owners sign up for. It’s not always possible to prevent these kinds of problems from coming up. 

However, keeping an eye out for red flags when choosing a dog and knowing your limits if concerning aggressive behavior does come up will help ensure that living with your dog does not cause stress that affects you and your family’s life for years to come. 

Once you’ve brought your dog or puppy home, giving them the tools they need to feel safe in the world is critical. We cover socialization extensively in our Super Puppy course and our Socialization Strategies webinar. Helping puppies feel safe and confident while guiding them to make good choices helps them grow up and become good citizens. 

Loving an Aggressive Dog Will Change Your Life, One Way or Another 

Many people who own aggressive dogs pour thousands of dollars into training and behavior modification to help manage the aggression. There is an unfair stigma that shames owners for “causing” their dog’s aggression or “not trying hard enough.” This is often isolating and increases the emotional toll of owning an aggressive dog. It also doesn’t acknowledge the genetic component of behavior, which is significant. 

Everyone who has owned an aggressive dog has confronted some tough emotions, from disappointment and frustration to fear and dread. Loving an aggressive dog while also being on edge about the damage they can do isn’t easy to live with, day after day. 

If you live with an aggressive dog, know that you’re not alone, and it’s not your fault. There is only so much training, management, and medication can do to help aggressive dogs live safe and happy lives. Reach out to a trustworthy professional if you need help and advice. 

Whether your dog’s behavior can be managed safely or you have had to consider the heartbreaking experience of behavioral euthanasia, know that you have done your very best for your dog–and most importantly, you have loved them. 

This blog is dedicated to Shayna, Fawkes, and Moose, who made us better dog people.